Black and single: Is marriage really for white people?

[TheHipHopBillGates]

A career she enjoyed, a nice home, two adorable children and a husband. She shared her tools for success with me at an early age. She went to college, got married and waited until she was 26 to have her first child.

The perfect life. The perfect plan. It was one I decided to model.

My aspirations for both a career and family were set at the age of 12. I knew I could accomplish what Mrs. Allen, my fifth- and seventh-grade teacher, had. But as I approach 30 and measure the goals I had at 12 against the reality of life, the only thing I can check off that list is a college education.

I am a statistic.

And there are millions more like me. Forty-five percent of black women in America have never been married, compared with 23 percent of white women, according to the U.S. Census Bureau's American Community Survey in 2006. Articles like the one published in the Washington Post two years ago could lead me to believe that it's because "Marriage is for White People." Black men respond about love and families »

The difference between Mrs. Allen and me: She was white.

The numbers, undeniably, are not in my favor. But they have never been. Born black, raised in a single-parent home and primarily educated in low-performing public schools, I am not supposed to be a success story. But giving weight to statistics in my personal life only contributes to a culture of fear surrounding marriage.

This fear causes some women to make hasty decisions like staying in unfulfilling relationships that lead to unsuccessful marriages, which end in divorce (another dismal statistic). Or just the opposite: Women become so fearful of making the wrong choice, they find themselves surrounded by a moat with no bridge to their final destination: marriage.

For the past year, I have researched, read and conducted several interviews on this topic for the "Black in America" series. Producing a segment on the low marriage rates in black America was not without its challenges.

I wore my "black and single" crown proudly, withstanding jokes and heckles from coworkers and questions from fellow singles like Kriss Turner, a black woman profiled for the "Black Woman & Family" documentary who asked me, "You're in Atlanta; what's your problem?"

Why are you still single? I hate that question. Yet I am forced to confront it. What's the state of your relationship?

One reason: personal responsibility. Among the men I have dated, there were definitely some who were ready for something a little more significant than I was willing to give. Did I drag my feet because I wasn't ready? Or was it because those men weren't right for me? It's debatable and probably a combination of the two.

Mrs. Allen was white, but she was also part of a generation of people, like my parents, who married at an earlier age. Today, black women outnumber black men almost 2-to-1 in higher education. But white women are also surpassing white men in college enrollment and completion, according to the National Center on Education Statistics.

What is a rooted example in the black community is also sprouting legs among America's other racial groups. I am part of a generation of Americans who are choosing to postpone marriage while they pursue their careers.

My outlook: optimistic. My honest fear: It may never happen.

If it doesn't happen, it won't be because of a widening gap in the education, employment and ambitions of black men and women. I will not attribute it to a lack of options, intra- or interracially. I know the numbers.

On a macro level, the horizon is grim, but my personal experience reflects stories of black women and men who are married or very seriously considering it. Social and economic conditions are very strong influences, but so is the desire for love.

If I remain in my current statistical category, a single black woman, it will be because I missed someone while gazing at the ancient obelisks of Egypt's Karnak Temple, partying with expats in Hong Kong or simply spending time with family and friends in America.

It's more likely that the proverbial "The One" and I will find each other somewhere along the way. My life is not lived on a timetable or measured by how much sand has fallen in an hourglass.

So check back in with me in 2018. I may have a different story to share

http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/wayof...men/index.html

[jameznyhc]

thank white liberalsd for destroying the african american family .. why the man gonna bring home the bacon when a pregnant young black woman can get uncle same to not only bring home the bacon ..but give her an apartment and healthcare?? ..if you notice this problem does not exist in jamaican and haitian black americans

[JustLikeHeaven]

thank white liberalsd for destroying the african american family .. why the man gonna bring home the bacon when a pregnant young black woman can get uncle same to not only bring home the bacon ..but give her an apartment and healthcare?? ..if you notice this problem does not exist in jamaican and haitian black americans

Yea just blame it all on liberals

White liberals destroyed the African American family?? LMAO. But yet if that young black woman was out on the streets cause she wasn't getting welfare or healthcare I suppose liberals would be to blame for that also, right? Or u think that would be a better scenario?

[JustLikeHeaven]

BTW - married w/first child at 26 = perfect life?
I am scared. LOL

[jameznyhc]

Yea just blame it all on liberals

White liberals destroyed the African American family?? LMAO. But yet if that young black woman was out on the streets cause she wasn't getting welfare or healthcare I suppose liberals would be to blame for that also, right? Or u think that would be a better scenario?

why would she be on the streets ..are you saying black people are lazy?? shame on you!!

[JustLikeHeaven]

why would she be on the streets ..are you saying black people are lazy?? shame on you!!

Don't play yourself lmao
U know what I'm saying !!!

[jameznyhc]

Don't play yourself lmao
U know what I'm saying !!!

no please tell me .. im not sure at all??

[TheHipHopBillGates]

why would she be on the streets ..are you saying black people are lazy?? shame on you!!

no more then you blamed white liberals for making black men lazy, shame on you also. Is it possible to you to reply to any post without some type of left targeted propaganda?

[JustLikeHeaven]

no please tell me .. im not sure at all??

If I must spell it out for u...

YOU presented a situation about a young, black woman who is getting gov't support, suggesting that because of WHITE LIBERALS she is somehow deterred from finding an able black man to take care of her...

SO not only did u imply that black men are LAZY u also implied that black women NEED a man to take care of them...Shame on YOU!

[JustLikeHeaven]

no more then you blamed white liberals for making black men lazy, shame on you also. Is it possible to you to reply to any post without some type of left targeted propaganda?

lol exactly!!!

[jameznyhc]

no more then you blamed white liberals for making black men lazy, shame on you also. Is it possible to you to reply to any post without some type of left targeted propaganda?

where did i say the left made black men lazy??..I said they destroyed the african american family by throwing free money housing and healthcare .. that way the black man has no reason to go bring home the bacon ..

[jameznyhc]

lol exactly!!!

i did where did i say that??

[chris817]

where did i say the left made black men lazy??..I said they destroyed the african american family by throwing free money housing and healthcare .. that way the black man has no reason to go bring home the bacon ..

no reason? how about getting out of the ghetto? having some selfrespect to not be dependent on the govt
no reason to work is implying they are lazy

[metfan85]

Yea just blame it all on liberals

White liberals destroyed the African American family?? LMAO. But yet if that young black woman was out on the streets cause she wasn't getting welfare or healthcare I suppose liberals would be to blame for that also, right? Or u think that would be a better scenario?

What he's referring to is the LBJ Great Society policies. The original New Deal program, Aid to Families with Dependent Children (AFDC) was supposed to give money only to widowed women with children. In the 1960's that was changed by LBJ to include all households where there was no male present. Regardless of circumstance, widowed, divorce wedlock. This now made it more lucrative to not have a male in the household.

In 1950 88% of white families and 78% of black families were married. 12 years after the signing of the new welfare laws, whites were married at an 85% rate and black marriage plummeted to 54%.

In this 20 years period single parent white poor increased by 50%, while single family black poor increased 200% from under 30% to 70% of the population.



there's no link to this I had done research on this...
Charles Murray "Losing Ground, America's Social policy 1950- 1980" and Fagan and Rector "The effects of Divorce in America"

[JustLikeHeaven]

no reason? how about getting out of the ghetto? having some selfrespect to not be dependent on the govt
no reason to work is implying they are lazy

Precisely

[JustLikeHeaven]

What he's referring to is the LBJ Great Society policies. The original New Deal program, Aid to Families with Dependent Children (AFDC) was supposed to give money only to widowed women with children. In the 1960's that was changed by LBJ to include all households where there was no male present. Regardless of circumstance, widowed, divorce wedlock. This now made it more lucrative to not have a male in the household.

In 1950 88% of white families and 78% of black families were married. 12 years after the signing of the new welfare laws, whites were married at an 85% rate and black marriage plummeted to 54%.

In this 20 years period single parent white poor increased by 50%, while single family black poor increased 200% from under 30% to 70% of the population.



there's no link to this I had done research on this...
Charles Murray "Losing Ground, America's Social policy 1950- 1980" and Fagan and Rector "The effects of Divorce in America"

LOL I read that book for one of my classes as well (well, more like footnotes/summary of it lol)

And let's call it what it is, he was clearly calling them lazy...Saying that someone will just sit on their ass and wait for everything to be handed to them is calling them LAZY. And he was calling white libs the "enablers."

Regardless of the programs u mentioned, if someone truly wants to be productive they will do better for themselves and not rely solely on gov't assistance. Implying that they have no desire to do so = calling them LAZY.

[jameznyhc]

no reason? how about getting out of the ghetto? having some selfrespect to not be dependent on the govt
no reason to work is implying they are lazy

that there lazy?? or provided for?? huge difference kid .. why leave the ghetto when you get everything for free ?? thats the type of entrapment im talking about ..

[JustLikeHeaven]

that there lazy?? or provided for?? huge difference kid .. why leave the ghetto when you get everything for free ?? thats the type of entrapment im talking about ..

maybe cause u want something better?!???! And you're willing to work for it?

[jameznyhc]

LOL I read that book for one of my classes as well (well, more like footnotes/summary of it lol)

And let's call it what it is, he was clearly calling them lazy...Saying that someone will just sit on their ass and wait for everything to be handed to them is calling them LAZY. And he was calling white libs the "enablers."

Regardless of the programs u mentioned, if someone truly wants to be productive they will do better for themselves and not rely solely on gov't assistance. Implying that they have no desire to do so = calling them LAZY.

being providedf for will not make someone lazy ..only you can choose that .. it goes back to the 30 yr old guy ..if she kicked him out id bet he would find work or try too .. since she providing for him he has no reason too ..ahh now you get it??

why is this problem so bad among african americans i gave you my theory .. lets hear yours ..

[jameznyhc]

maybe cause u want something better?!???! And you're willing to work for it?

my point is you can survive on the basics .. when your providede for it inhibits motivation , drive , and education ... and there are those who do work there way ourt of the ghetto but they aint on welfare being irrsponsible